This is so expensive!

Well we talked to the fertiltiy doctor today to let her know that I have not had my period yet but the test I took last week was negative. Not only is this disapointing in the sense of I'm not pregnant but it also means my body has stopped cycling on it's own. Ugh!!! So annoying! I thought things were finally starting to work right but no of course not!

So I made an appoitment to get an HSG done which is an outpatient procedure that runs dye through my tubes to see if they are blocked. (Oh boy I can't wait! ) We are hoping the insurance covers that one. The doctor also said they are upping my dosage of clomid which I didn't even know they were willing to do. The last two months have been absolutly miserable on the dose I was on I can't even imagine how hard 50 mg more will be! If I cannot get pregnant on this my next option will be an IUI which is where they would use my egg and my husband sperm and try and create a baby inside me. Kinda takes the romance out of the whole thing doesn't it? Unfortunalty if this becomes a reality it can't be done until next year because of the cost. My husband just got a significant raise at work (praise God!!) But it is still out of our reach at the time. If this doesn't work we were informed we would have to move into the $10,000 range and that is just completly out of our range of possibility. So basically if I can't get pregnant with the first IUI......I probably won't be able to get pregnant. Harsh reality!

When we first sat down with the doctor and he showed us all of the possibilities before us I was so relieved to see how many options we had. But now I feel as though we are getting to the end of the list and my options and suddenly limited. I am not opposed to adoption in fact I plan on doing it someday anyway but I never really planned on it being my only choice. I always planned on things working out.

I guess that goes to show you that we are not the authors of our own stories. God has the pen and he is writing all the twists and turns in my book. The hardest part is letting him. But I guess if I had the choice to read something I wrote or something God wrote, I would choose him anyday. And that is exactally what I am doing. I am giving my pen to God!

Until next time I will Just keep swimming!