Here it goes!

So I have never blogged before. I have never thought about blogging before. My sister is the blogger in our family, she has kept a blog of our cancer journey with my mom for the last two years. As I am writing this I am asking myself why in the world am I doing this. I am not a very interesting person. I don't have any kids, I work all day. What do I have to say? Well the answer is I don't know if anything I say will be interesting to any of you but I know it will make me feel better to journal this journey i am on.

So here it goes!

My name is Erin, I have been married to a wonderful man for nearly 5 years now! Time has flown! I have one sister and she has three beautiful and wonderful children. As I said my mom past away from a very long and curagious battle with pancreatic cancer in April of this year. My dad is amazing. He has been there for me through everything I have gone through. I work as a preschool teacher in my hometown. I love living here. This is where I want to raise my family someday!

And that brings me to why I write. I am on a journey. A journey with my husband, a journey of infertility. A journey of love, a journey of Faith!

I am 24 years old and all I have ever wanted to do is have kids. When I was 11 years old my cycle started just like it was supposed to but then it stopped. I learned when I was 14 that i had very irregular cycles and that things would be harder for me as i grew up. At the time it didn't mean much but I had one question for my doctor. Will I be able to have children? The only answer I recieved was we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I tried medication after medication after medication and I had no help. I would not cycle for sometimes up to a year and then when it came it would not stop for months. I lived a normal teenage life but I always had the question in my mind of wether or not I would be able to have children. However as my doctor had said it was not something i needed to worry about yet.

In October of 2004 I married my husband. We were young and we both knew that as soon as we were financially able we wanted to have children. In Janurary of 2007 I thought a miracle had happend when I had recieved my period for the second month in a row. My husband was due to graduate from CSU in may so we thought it a good time to start trying. I went to the doctor and she told me everything looked good and there was no reason not to try. After a year of no success I returned to the doctor for help. I knew at this point that my question was now valid. Can i have children? Still no answer. I was put on metformin to help regulate me and to encourage ovulation. I was then put on a combonation of metformin and clomid. I went on with this combo for another year. In Jan of 09 I was refered to a specialist. I am finally getting some encouragment from this doctor. He tells me my case is like that of many he has seen. He starts me on a low dose of clomid and tells me to get my blood tested every two weeks to check for a rise in my hormone levels. Unfortunalty this alone is a task. As they say at the lab I am "not a good stick"! It is painful and draining but i have gone. Then finally in March of 09 I have success they tell me that for the first time in my life I have ovulated! A glimmer of hope is felt! I am thanking God for giving the doctors the knowledge to help me! However the dosage I was on failed to help me get pregnant. It is now July of 2009. I have many tests left to do and many options still in front of me. I am still not pregnant but I have come to realize that this journey I have been on has brought me close to God and given me a true understanding of the power of my God! He has it all written out for us, when we will be born, when we will die. We are not meant to know his plans until it is his time. I am writing this blog for encouragment for either me or you. I am writing this to tell the world what God has taught me. I do not know if anyone will read this but that is ok! God will hear it and that is enough! My mom went through more than I could ever imagine having to bear. She had an amazing attitude towards life and I envied that so. When I would struggle she would give me encouragment and she would tell me to Just Keep Swimming!