So i have scheduled my appoitment to get my tubes tested for blockages for August 7th. I am very anxious for it. Not necessarly because it is supossed to be uncomfortable but mainly because I am afraid it will show nothing. Before my problem was obvious. I didn't ovulate. It was clear and concise and i thought once that was fixed I would be pregnant. I was wrong. I wish it were that easy. Now this is all so frusterating because we have no clue why it's not working! If my tubes are blocked they are confident i will get pregnant soon but if they are not we are sitting in the same place i have been for the past 3 years! I know God will Bless me, I have a friend who has been trying to concieve for nearly 10 years and she has been wonderful to me through this whole process partly because she has been through it all herself. I am so happy to say that as I am writing this she is in a foreign country that I could not even begin to try and spell picking out her baby! I am so happy for her and her husband and the beautiful baby God picked for them!
I do not know in what way God will deliver my baby to me or if it will even be one baby! But i do know however he does it will exceed my expectations. It will be more than i could ever imagine! All good things are worth waiting for!
Pray for me as I am still waiting for my period to start this month and as I try and cope with the hormones I must take. Pray that I will be patient and that I will apreciate the life I have while I have it. Pray that God will prepare me for the changes he will bring to my life! Pray that I will be able to Just keep swimming!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
No news
So I was trying to give myself some more time for my body to start working on it's own but aparently we are not on the same page about this. I go in Monday or tuesday to get a blood test to make sure that I really am not pregnant ( though I am pretty sure I am not) so I can start taking provera to jump start my period. On day 3 of my cycle I start taking the 250 mg of clomid for 5 days. I am not excited. I keep telling myself it will all be worth it IF it works. On August 7 I go in to take the dye test, which again I am not excited about. But I will keep swimming! I can do this and I can handle it!
In Church today my friend Nathan preached about hope. My dad came was there too and I was so happy to see him there. During the sermon he preached about how we all have trials but Hope is what gets us through it. God has made promises to us that are greater than anything we can imagine. That is my hope. Does it mean I will have biological kids....No it doesn't but it means he will take care of me. It means that I need to rejoice in the gifts I have been given and he will continue to be blessed. I am so blessed and I have so many things to hope for! Hope is a good thing, such a great gift!
So I will end this today with my favorite line!
Just keep swimming!!!
In Church today my friend Nathan preached about hope. My dad came was there too and I was so happy to see him there. During the sermon he preached about how we all have trials but Hope is what gets us through it. God has made promises to us that are greater than anything we can imagine. That is my hope. Does it mean I will have biological kids....No it doesn't but it means he will take care of me. It means that I need to rejoice in the gifts I have been given and he will continue to be blessed. I am so blessed and I have so many things to hope for! Hope is a good thing, such a great gift!
So I will end this today with my favorite line!
Just keep swimming!!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
This is so expensive!
Well we talked to the fertiltiy doctor today to let her know that I have not had my period yet but the test I took last week was negative. Not only is this disapointing in the sense of I'm not pregnant but it also means my body has stopped cycling on it's own. Ugh!!! So annoying! I thought things were finally starting to work right but no of course not!
So I made an appoitment to get an HSG done which is an outpatient procedure that runs dye through my tubes to see if they are blocked. (Oh boy I can't wait! ) We are hoping the insurance covers that one. The doctor also said they are upping my dosage of clomid which I didn't even know they were willing to do. The last two months have been absolutly miserable on the dose I was on I can't even imagine how hard 50 mg more will be! If I cannot get pregnant on this my next option will be an IUI which is where they would use my egg and my husband sperm and try and create a baby inside me. Kinda takes the romance out of the whole thing doesn't it? Unfortunalty if this becomes a reality it can't be done until next year because of the cost. My husband just got a significant raise at work (praise God!!) But it is still out of our reach at the time. If this doesn't work we were informed we would have to move into the $10,000 range and that is just completly out of our range of possibility. So basically if I can't get pregnant with the first IUI......I probably won't be able to get pregnant. Harsh reality!
When we first sat down with the doctor and he showed us all of the possibilities before us I was so relieved to see how many options we had. But now I feel as though we are getting to the end of the list and my options and suddenly limited. I am not opposed to adoption in fact I plan on doing it someday anyway but I never really planned on it being my only choice. I always planned on things working out.
I guess that goes to show you that we are not the authors of our own stories. God has the pen and he is writing all the twists and turns in my book. The hardest part is letting him. But I guess if I had the choice to read something I wrote or something God wrote, I would choose him anyday. And that is exactally what I am doing. I am giving my pen to God!
Until next time I will Just keep swimming!
So I made an appoitment to get an HSG done which is an outpatient procedure that runs dye through my tubes to see if they are blocked. (Oh boy I can't wait! ) We are hoping the insurance covers that one. The doctor also said they are upping my dosage of clomid which I didn't even know they were willing to do. The last two months have been absolutly miserable on the dose I was on I can't even imagine how hard 50 mg more will be! If I cannot get pregnant on this my next option will be an IUI which is where they would use my egg and my husband sperm and try and create a baby inside me. Kinda takes the romance out of the whole thing doesn't it? Unfortunalty if this becomes a reality it can't be done until next year because of the cost. My husband just got a significant raise at work (praise God!!) But it is still out of our reach at the time. If this doesn't work we were informed we would have to move into the $10,000 range and that is just completly out of our range of possibility. So basically if I can't get pregnant with the first IUI......I probably won't be able to get pregnant. Harsh reality!
When we first sat down with the doctor and he showed us all of the possibilities before us I was so relieved to see how many options we had. But now I feel as though we are getting to the end of the list and my options and suddenly limited. I am not opposed to adoption in fact I plan on doing it someday anyway but I never really planned on it being my only choice. I always planned on things working out.
I guess that goes to show you that we are not the authors of our own stories. God has the pen and he is writing all the twists and turns in my book. The hardest part is letting him. But I guess if I had the choice to read something I wrote or something God wrote, I would choose him anyday. And that is exactally what I am doing. I am giving my pen to God!
Until next time I will Just keep swimming!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Day 2
So as nothing has changed in my long road of infertility since yesterday when I started this blog, I don't have much to say! However I have come to terms a little more about why I am doing this.
Multiple times since I started with my newest doctor I have been told to journal all of this. Well I haven't journeled since I was much younger so I didn't really want to keep a diary. But yesterday when I was reading my sisters blog "My not so everyday life" I realized this would be an oppertunity for me to "journal" and get feedback and support from others! So far it is working! So my favor I need from anyone who reads this is to help me out. If you have been through this or you know someone who has been through this pass it on. I don't know what I am doing and it has been emensly helpful for me to talk to others who have been through the same thing! I would really appreciate it! "Look to the Son and you shall feel his warmth"
Just keep Swimming!
Multiple times since I started with my newest doctor I have been told to journal all of this. Well I haven't journeled since I was much younger so I didn't really want to keep a diary. But yesterday when I was reading my sisters blog "My not so everyday life" I realized this would be an oppertunity for me to "journal" and get feedback and support from others! So far it is working! So my favor I need from anyone who reads this is to help me out. If you have been through this or you know someone who has been through this pass it on. I don't know what I am doing and it has been emensly helpful for me to talk to others who have been through the same thing! I would really appreciate it! "Look to the Son and you shall feel his warmth"
Just keep Swimming!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Here it goes!
So I have never blogged before. I have never thought about blogging before. My sister is the blogger in our family, she has kept a blog of our cancer journey with my mom for the last two years. As I am writing this I am asking myself why in the world am I doing this. I am not a very interesting person. I don't have any kids, I work all day. What do I have to say? Well the answer is I don't know if anything I say will be interesting to any of you but I know it will make me feel better to journal this journey i am on.
So here it goes!
My name is Erin, I have been married to a wonderful man for nearly 5 years now! Time has flown! I have one sister and she has three beautiful and wonderful children. As I said my mom past away from a very long and curagious battle with pancreatic cancer in April of this year. My dad is amazing. He has been there for me through everything I have gone through. I work as a preschool teacher in my hometown. I love living here. This is where I want to raise my family someday!
And that brings me to why I write. I am on a journey. A journey with my husband, a journey of infertility. A journey of love, a journey of Faith!
I am 24 years old and all I have ever wanted to do is have kids. When I was 11 years old my cycle started just like it was supposed to but then it stopped. I learned when I was 14 that i had very irregular cycles and that things would be harder for me as i grew up. At the time it didn't mean much but I had one question for my doctor. Will I be able to have children? The only answer I recieved was we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I tried medication after medication after medication and I had no help. I would not cycle for sometimes up to a year and then when it came it would not stop for months. I lived a normal teenage life but I always had the question in my mind of wether or not I would be able to have children. However as my doctor had said it was not something i needed to worry about yet.
In October of 2004 I married my husband. We were young and we both knew that as soon as we were financially able we wanted to have children. In Janurary of 2007 I thought a miracle had happend when I had recieved my period for the second month in a row. My husband was due to graduate from CSU in may so we thought it a good time to start trying. I went to the doctor and she told me everything looked good and there was no reason not to try. After a year of no success I returned to the doctor for help. I knew at this point that my question was now valid. Can i have children? Still no answer. I was put on metformin to help regulate me and to encourage ovulation. I was then put on a combonation of metformin and clomid. I went on with this combo for another year. In Jan of 09 I was refered to a specialist. I am finally getting some encouragment from this doctor. He tells me my case is like that of many he has seen. He starts me on a low dose of clomid and tells me to get my blood tested every two weeks to check for a rise in my hormone levels. Unfortunalty this alone is a task. As they say at the lab I am "not a good stick"! It is painful and draining but i have gone. Then finally in March of 09 I have success they tell me that for the first time in my life I have ovulated! A glimmer of hope is felt! I am thanking God for giving the doctors the knowledge to help me! However the dosage I was on failed to help me get pregnant. It is now July of 2009. I have many tests left to do and many options still in front of me. I am still not pregnant but I have come to realize that this journey I have been on has brought me close to God and given me a true understanding of the power of my God! He has it all written out for us, when we will be born, when we will die. We are not meant to know his plans until it is his time. I am writing this blog for encouragment for either me or you. I am writing this to tell the world what God has taught me. I do not know if anyone will read this but that is ok! God will hear it and that is enough! My mom went through more than I could ever imagine having to bear. She had an amazing attitude towards life and I envied that so. When I would struggle she would give me encouragment and she would tell me to Just Keep Swimming!
So here it goes!
My name is Erin, I have been married to a wonderful man for nearly 5 years now! Time has flown! I have one sister and she has three beautiful and wonderful children. As I said my mom past away from a very long and curagious battle with pancreatic cancer in April of this year. My dad is amazing. He has been there for me through everything I have gone through. I work as a preschool teacher in my hometown. I love living here. This is where I want to raise my family someday!
And that brings me to why I write. I am on a journey. A journey with my husband, a journey of infertility. A journey of love, a journey of Faith!
I am 24 years old and all I have ever wanted to do is have kids. When I was 11 years old my cycle started just like it was supposed to but then it stopped. I learned when I was 14 that i had very irregular cycles and that things would be harder for me as i grew up. At the time it didn't mean much but I had one question for my doctor. Will I be able to have children? The only answer I recieved was we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I tried medication after medication after medication and I had no help. I would not cycle for sometimes up to a year and then when it came it would not stop for months. I lived a normal teenage life but I always had the question in my mind of wether or not I would be able to have children. However as my doctor had said it was not something i needed to worry about yet.
In October of 2004 I married my husband. We were young and we both knew that as soon as we were financially able we wanted to have children. In Janurary of 2007 I thought a miracle had happend when I had recieved my period for the second month in a row. My husband was due to graduate from CSU in may so we thought it a good time to start trying. I went to the doctor and she told me everything looked good and there was no reason not to try. After a year of no success I returned to the doctor for help. I knew at this point that my question was now valid. Can i have children? Still no answer. I was put on metformin to help regulate me and to encourage ovulation. I was then put on a combonation of metformin and clomid. I went on with this combo for another year. In Jan of 09 I was refered to a specialist. I am finally getting some encouragment from this doctor. He tells me my case is like that of many he has seen. He starts me on a low dose of clomid and tells me to get my blood tested every two weeks to check for a rise in my hormone levels. Unfortunalty this alone is a task. As they say at the lab I am "not a good stick"! It is painful and draining but i have gone. Then finally in March of 09 I have success they tell me that for the first time in my life I have ovulated! A glimmer of hope is felt! I am thanking God for giving the doctors the knowledge to help me! However the dosage I was on failed to help me get pregnant. It is now July of 2009. I have many tests left to do and many options still in front of me. I am still not pregnant but I have come to realize that this journey I have been on has brought me close to God and given me a true understanding of the power of my God! He has it all written out for us, when we will be born, when we will die. We are not meant to know his plans until it is his time. I am writing this blog for encouragment for either me or you. I am writing this to tell the world what God has taught me. I do not know if anyone will read this but that is ok! God will hear it and that is enough! My mom went through more than I could ever imagine having to bear. She had an amazing attitude towards life and I envied that so. When I would struggle she would give me encouragment and she would tell me to Just Keep Swimming!
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