Disapointing news

So my last U.S. was very disapointing. It turns out my eggs have stalled out at the point they were at at the previous U.S.
The Doctor is meeting with us on Wednesday to discuss future plans. I am not looking forward to it. I don't know if we can afford much else. And if we can definalty not for awhile. I am trying not to jump to too many conclusions too soon but....I am not doing very well at it.

Things are totally crazy in my life right now and I know the stress is not helping. I don't know what to do about it though, I am starting to wonder if I shouldn't go to someone. To talk.

I am not crazy about the idea but I need to find an outlet for my stress. I wish it could be working out. LOL i am not a fan though!

I will update again after my appointment. I know there is a child out there for me. I don't know if they have already been born yet or not but I know they are out there!

Just keep swimming!

Ultra Sounds are just so much fun!

So it's been a week since my last update and in that time I have had two more ultrasounds and and whirlwind of feelings. So the u.s. last week showed an egg on my left ovary that looked promising but in the second u.s. showed that egg had decreased in size. So that was disapointing but it also showed that there was an egg on my right ovary that could grow to the right size. So to keep track of that one little egg i went in today for yet another ultrasound. The doctor had told me that if there wasn't any sign of growth we were going to have to sit down and talk about other options. I know a lot of the other options and i was not looking forward to them.

I didn't sleep well last night. I was so nervous that my ultrasound today would go bad. I am not ready to hear that it's just not going to happen. That has been my greatest fear through this whole thing. So anyways I went to the appointment and much to my surprise the egg had grown. Very slowly but it had grown. It wasn't the progress the doctor had really wanted but he was still pleased. He is having me come in again on thursday to check one more time. It is very encouraging that I might be ovulating just very late.

So hopefully the good Doctor is right and he really can predict when i ovulate! This could be the month!

Wish me luck!

Good news?

So I guess we got got good news today! I had an ultra sound to check the development of my eggs. The nurse that did it said that everything looked good and that there was definalty one egg that looked ready to go! She said I have a few days before ovulation and there was a chance the other eggs could catch up to the one that is maturing faster. She is said she has seen it before where they do that. It brought up a lot of discussion about what kind of descisions we might have to be making. It makes me wonder if I have been in this exact situation before and just not known it or is this new. Will it work this time? I am excited but also trying not to get too excited so it will be harder for me to be let down.

Ugh another day another delema!

I guess I will just keep swimming!

Why?

So tomorrow Bryan will call the doctor and find out what our next step is. We have been talking about it and we are thinking that we want to continue like this for a few more months and have me tested every month to see if I am still ovulating or not. That will help us decide a lot. Bryan is going to get re tested next month to see if his count is the same as what they saw at the begining of all of this. All of these things really take the romance out of trying to have a baby! I wish I knew exactally what God was thinking. It seems almost unfair but he knows better than I do. One thing is for sure we are definalty going to be prepared when we finally do have a baby! Thanks to my sister! There is a reason and I guess I don't have to know it.

I don't know the reason for why most things have happened but I do believe everything happens for a reason. I have a lot of questions, I want to know why my mom was taken from us when she was so young. I want to know why she didn't have a chance to meet my children. I want to know why I have to go through so much without her. I think the only thing i do know for sure is that she is much better off then I am. My friend told me the other day they think i haven't gotten pregnant yet because my mom is being a baby hog in heaven. It made me laugh because I could picture it. She was amazing and I miss her every minute of everyday. I think about her everytime I feel like crying, or everytime I smile. She is everywhere. I really miss her.

God is Good all the time and all the time God is good!

The reason for my blog title is because of my mom. Dory reminds me of my mom and she used to tell me to just keep swimming all the time. So now I say this.....Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swiming swimming swiming What do we do we swim swim swim!

HSG done!

So I did the HSG and everything went well. They were able to run the dye through my uturus and through my tubes. It was not a pleasant expirence but I made it through. The doctor said he gave me an A+!

Unfortunalty that also means that we are kind of at square one again. Dr. Bachus said that usually this can act as a flushing of the tubes too and that can encourage ovulation but he doesn't think it will really be benificial to me. My problem is more of an ovulation problem so it is going to take something different to get me pregnant. We didn't have time to discuss the next step witht the doctor today so I have to call Monday to figure that out.

I am increadibly tired of having no answers. It seems like everything i do doesn't work and every test i take is negative. This process is not supposed to be that hard. Sometimes I feel like less of a woman. I should be able to get pregnant that is how God designed me but aparently he didn't design me that way. That is what I am discovering. I just wish I understood what he was thinking!

It made me laugh today when I was at the surgery center trying to get into a very uncomfortable position on a bed to get ready for a very uncomfortable procedure. The nurse that was helping me told me that i reminded her of that song from finding nemo. She asked me what it was again and I said Just keep swimming. She said yeah Just keep swimming. Then she said something that I needed to hear. She said " I guess we all have to Just keep swimming sometimes". So I say it to you now.
Just keep swimming!

Something has got to work

The new dosage of clomid is not agreeing with me. I have had several migraines while on it and I have had no desire to do anything. I have tried not to let it get to me but sometimes I just can't help it. It's hard, I am tired.

I am starting to get nervous about my HSG test. I am not really worried about it hurting I am just a little afraid of what they will find. If they find nothing then we are right where we are now but with less options. If there is something then that alone is a little nerve wracking! There could be so many things wrong but a part of me wants them to find a blockage or something because then maybe i could get pregnant. Something has got to work!!

I am tired, I am worn out, but I am doing my best to Just keep swimming!

Ugh......

Well today is my first day on the 250 mg of clomid. Already I want to crawl out of my skin! I am trying to keep a grasp of myself but I feel as though I am being taken over by a monster of hormones and I can't control myself.

I was able to reschedule my appointment for the dye test for next friday. Usually you are not able to get in on such short notice but i have some awesome doctors and nurses working for me! It was great of them to get me in! I am not really looking forward to it but I know I am not doing all of this for nothing. I know God will bring me a baby! How is now the question..

I hope you all just keep swimming

Hurray?

So good news! My period did finally start today! It is however not early enough that I can get my dye test done but at least it started! It has been so frusterating feeling like this whole process is going back wards. I am vey glad at least my body will work with the medication, however annoying it might be!

Now I have clomid to look forward to. This dosage is higher than any i have ever taken and I am a bit nervous about it. This is a stressful time of year anyway I just hope I can make it through it with out complelty going crazy! I need prayer for the next few weeks. I need you to pray that my time on the clomid won't be too bad and that I will be able to reschedule the dye test without much problem~

Until then I hope you all will Just keep swimming!

Pray for me!

So things are not going well.....If I do not start my period by tomorrow i have to reschedule my dye test in a month! I have to be in a certain spot in my cycle and If I don't start I won't be there yet. God will take care of me I know it but I need you to pray!

Thanks

My God is so big!

I have realized lately that I have had a definant case of the blues. The last two years have been so hard and so tiring. I have noticed myself giving up.....giving up on babies.....giving up on all the things I have wanted for myself. It has been ahrd not to feel that way but I have decided to stop it! I want to stop feeling sorry for myself. I want to stop worrying and I definalty want to stop stressing!

Will I? I don't know but I want to and I am trying to make it more of a mental thing. I am making the descision to hand over all of my problems to God. My God is so big, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do! But there is plenty I can't do so I have to ask myself why am I trying to handle all of this on my own.

God is good and I know he will take care of me!

I hope you all can Just keep swimming!