Today is October 5th 2009. Two years ago to the day my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was one of the worst and most exciting days of my adult life. ( As it was also the day my husband was offered a job locally and we realized we were not going to have to move to Texas!)
I am sitting in my bed writing this as I am sick again. My dad is thinking I have the swine flu but I am not so sure.
My life has changed so much in the last two years. I have now offically been on the cancer journey, We bought a house. I have gone through so much in fertility treatments, I sat in a hospital and watched and prayed for relief as my mother slipped away from us. Wow. What a crazy two years. I miss my mom today. I miss her every day but I really am missing her now. There have been moments ( a lot of them) where I really had a pity party for myself and cried over how unfair life is. I am 24 ( at least for a couple more days) years old, We have been TTC for nearly 3 years and I have been completly unsuccessful. My mom was taken from me 6 months ago, I can't seem to stay healthy, I could go on and on about how sad and pathetic I can make my life out to be..... BUT......
yes there is a but..... I was blessed with an amazing mother for 24 years of my life. I watch everyday as parents put their children on the back burner. I was never put on the back burner. I have been married for 5 glorious years to a wonderful man who would lasso the moon if I asked him to. I have a Terrific dad who worries about me and loves me more than I can fathom. I have a sister who is supportive of me and an awesome neice and two wonderful nephews whom I love so much! I am blessed, very blessed. I don't know if I am content in my life right now but I know how blessed I am. It has been two years, and I survived! God carried me through and I know he will carry me through as many years as he has laid out for me. It is because of him and all he has given me that I am able to Just keep swimming!
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Amen! It was a hard day. I can't believe it has only been 2 years. It seems like 10. She would be proud of you. We learned a lot through this, and I know there is lots more learning to do!
ReplyDeleteErin,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like your faith and trust in Our Heavenly Father has given you strength for your journey; a place where you realize how blessed you are and can see the growth you have accomplished and see look to Him for the future revelations. We NEED Him to carry us through!! I'm praying for you, know that you are not alone in your struggles, that is okay to cry and have "a bad/sad/mad day".
Along the "just keep swimming" mantra...if you look from a beach as far as you can see into the ocean, you really cannot see the end, but you have to trust that whatever is on the otherside is just as beautiful and lovely and remarkable.
I miss your mom this week too. Remembering how much she made me laugh--she was soooo silly! She always seemed to be in the moment, a lesson worth trying to live out.
love ya sister!
Jami